An Illusion

You were too great, too good to be true
A fairytale I was when I am with you
A sight so neat no glance can miss,
A treacherous disease, a dying kiss

You were there, a far distance
Untouchable yet nice to look at
But I can’t get through, can’t even take that chance,
Can’t smile and say “Would you care to dance?”

A dream so dull, felt so true
Now answer me, “Am I that of a fool?”
I thought you were listening, thought you liked me
Until I realized, it was all an illusion that was just a dream.

Y Speech Finalist... Awoohh!!! aheheh (from multiply)

It was just then when I was actually on that same stage at the gym and now it's about to happen again. What I'm afraid of this time is for the exact mistake to happen again. I might stand there frozen in the middle of time because of fear. Maybe I'm confident in the eyes of my classmates but a classroom and a gym is totally different. Though I've performed acting and singing there, still my weakness of eye contact and a tons of convincing tone just wouldn't come out. I really wanted to get in just like before but up until now I don't know what's next for the girl who screwed up the first time... Aja!!!! Fight fight!!!! ahehehe...

Pessimist? Not Anymore! (updated)

I've been thinking of my atiitude towards things lately... Masyado na ko nagiging negative lahat nalang ng bagay na maganda nahahanapan ko ng pangit... sumasama na ugali ko... I should be thankful with what I have... Kaya simula ngayon I'll try to shut myself and think of the good things... so I made a list of my blessing to thank God and the people around me na naniwala kahit ganito ugali ko... thanks...

Things I'm thankful for:
1. Naging president ako ng choir.
2. Naging filipino section editor ako ng scribe.
3. Nakasali ako ng prisaap.
4. Nakaattend ako ng journalism fellowship.
5. Nakapasok ako ng singing idol hanggang finals.
6. Naging top 9 ako nung first grading.
7. Natuto ako maguitara.
8. Natuto ako sumulat at kumanta.
9. Naging lapel ulit ako this year nung foundation day.
10. Lahat ng napanaluan ko kahit recycling contest pa yan... hahahaha..
11. Mayroon akong friends na naging totoo sakin at hindi ako iniwan kahit bangag ako.
12. Meron akong family na supportive sa kahit anung gawin ko.
13. Pumasa ako ng chem. (haha)
14. I was praised by my teachers kahit konti lang.
15. Sa dami ng sakit ko buhay pa rin ako. :p
16. Meron akong clef chin asset ngaraw yan sabi ng iba. (kahit inaasar ako) :p
17.Meron akong dimples.
18. I'm petite. hahahaha...
19. I got in the finals of Y speech!!!! Awoohh!!!
20. Nakabili ako ng bagong folders sa choir... ahehehehe... (babaw)

Sorry sa lahat ng nabother ko sa lahat ng kapraningan ko... hehehee... peace ya'll... anu kaya un? hehehehe... Ewan ko ba kung anu sumanib sakin ngaung araw.... adik! bwahahahahahha!!!!

PCHS Singing idol

Surprisingly, I got in the final 5 to perform at the gym. I'm really happy but still there's a part of me that can't let out that energy... I just domn't feel deserving enough because actually at that time I never expected it. I was one of the worst performers that night (my opinion only) and beside the fact that may singing partner sang my solo part, I was really frustrated about that and started crying. I really didn't want to cry but still I was too nervous and I felt cheated in a way though I know it was not her intention. I was over acting and I know it but I can't help it.

At first when our notes were lost, I was still enjoying it though there's a possibility of not getting in, I was still fine. But when she sang my solo I just stood there frozen, staring at her and signaling for her to stop. But as expected nothing changed. I was too down to even look at the audience. I only stood there staring at the floor and tried to calm myself down. It's as if, if I was given a chance to ran off and cry outside I would've. But it pulled me deep down to hear my name knowing that the other singers did better. I was not even close to good. I'm not questioning anybody but at that time I thought of my friends who really spent their time practicing while I did not do so much.

Now, all I can do is to pray that I don't do the same mistake as I did last time and that I can prove to people and myself that I am deserving and I was right to be there. That's all I can do now. My self-confidence vanished just like that. I think I'm just being too paranoid. Hahahaha... Good luck nalang sakin!!!!! Ahehehe... Abd I'd also like to thank all my friends who stood up for me kahit nagkalat na ko at lahat. Tsaka sa lahat ng tulong niyo sa tono ko sa mukha ko and for being true to me. salamat po!!! Love you all!!!

Clock's still Waiting

I hold with bare hands a blue pen
I have a piece of paper that was there just then
The clock's waiting for an unforgetable scene
Of love and hope that was meant to be a dream.

I was there with blurred thoughts, a dashing light,
I was there with a story that never came off mind.
The clock's still waiting for an unforgetable scene
Of freedom and peace that was meant to be a dream.

I witnessed the reality, a harsh sight,
I viewed them all died from a fight!
The clock's still waiting for a story to be heard
Of an unforgetable love story but death deserved.

Success!!!

I thought I would never be abe to post here again!!! hah! maybe our pcs the one broken.... I mean... duh! it was asking me to log in to a google account and when I ried it here it actually works... I really miss posting here... hahaha... well, I'm at my uncle's house at alabang... my ama's sick and I'm really worried... I cannot think of the thiings that might happen if something bad actually happens... huhu... I'l pray for her so hard... I love u ama!

Mood Swings

Super dami kong iniintindi ngayon, wala na ngang pasok puro asar naman, ngek! Would life ever give me peace and quiet? I hate it!!! In every way I look there's always something bad and unpleasant... Old friends ome again and new ones go... You're happy then feel irritated... You try to love someone then realizes that it's not worth it... So tiring, almost everything this year are rejections, I still haven't felt good about myself. I'm scared of changes, I'm afraid that people might leave me, especially the ones whom have stuck them selves with me thru my bad and good times. Hay... Ang drama! Buti nga marami pa ring nagstistick up sakin kahit may sayad ako... thanks sa inyong lahat!!! hehehe...

Exclamation Points

Right now things are going my head... actually, the thing I'm refering to is a thing which I didn't really thought of yesterday or the other day even though I should have... It just got stuck up on me again because o some stupid email and upcoming even... I really hate it when things have to be complicated when actually you can do it with less complication... And I hate the way people react and use their words without even thinking if they'd hurt any feelings... I mean if you tell a person something shouldn't it be sincere? then why put an exclamation point??? grr... don't want to think anymore.... Gotta sleep... another big day tomorrow!

Failure

I'm so dumb and stupid... I'm careless and brainless as well... yah I failed in math... it sucks... cried for ow many days... this really eats me... can't live like this!!! I make other people guilty I think of revenge... so stupid... arrrghhh!!!!! I want to die.... I can't live this life anymore so unfair and unlucky!!! I'm just plain stupid... tell me what to do...

Haikus on English

Daisies of thick blood
Pours flowing river on thee
Swallowed by freedom

Roses bleeding dead
stabbed by insecurity
suddenly blooms back

Happy Children Play
sing songs of melancholy---
found in their coffins

Two hands in control
tenderly touching fingers
surrounding my neck