I'm undergoing tough times lately. Practices everywhere, by the way I already recieved my award last saturday, it was so weird. I'm already done eith the school paper and now the performances then right after the school paper again then the performances. When will all this calm down? Can't I have my break? I'm really happy with all these things but sometimes it makes me really pressured. People think that I'm a package deal. And make stuff big deals when I make small mistakes.
I'm tired of using the phone, watching tv and even surfing the net, I prefer sleeping more. I look like an old lady at the age of 13. How frustrating! I always post the same entries. I need new topics for my articles. I need to make it good this time. Ha! what to do?
Friday, September 22, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Colors
In the midst of the night, I see different colors. One that can never be seen in daylight… Colors that resembled the meaning of true life, true love and true faith. It makes us realize the real essence of everything. How the simple laughs affect the people around you. How tears gave sad feelings for others and how we grow love for each other. These hidden colors were kept for a long time. Not seen in the naked eye, we never noticed that it was just around us.
The atmosphere of life is everywhere, in every place in every sight that can be seen. As the moon shone above me I realized all the things that I’ve missed. The times that I wasted time and the times that I took others for granted. The times when I didn’t care what other’s feel. My times of in denial and regretting every single time that I lied of how I felt, I feel as if my heart’s sinking when every time I think about those moments. I always regret. I never learn. And now I’m scared to do the same things. I’m afraid that the colors that surround me will slowly fade away. I will never be complete. As I watch it slowly turn to black and white, I cry. I feel the pain of each mistake. It kills me every time I see the consequence that affected the people around me. They are innocent. I’m the one to blame. But still no one blames me. I do things that I cannot pay. But still I do it. How can I be this bad? The color yellow in my eyes gradually turned red. Red of blood, then it turned black. Black of death, I live, I breathe, I am here but I’m dead. I don’t feel anything anymore. I surrender. And to those people who paid for everything. I’m sorry. Now I’m paying. Now I’d rest in my own hands. I’ll live again when the time comes. I’ll be back but it might take a long time to put the simple colors of my life to regain, for everything to be colorful again. I’m tired so are you. I’ll heal myself with the colors left and create new… Wait for my coming back…
The atmosphere of life is everywhere, in every place in every sight that can be seen. As the moon shone above me I realized all the things that I’ve missed. The times that I wasted time and the times that I took others for granted. The times when I didn’t care what other’s feel. My times of in denial and regretting every single time that I lied of how I felt, I feel as if my heart’s sinking when every time I think about those moments. I always regret. I never learn. And now I’m scared to do the same things. I’m afraid that the colors that surround me will slowly fade away. I will never be complete. As I watch it slowly turn to black and white, I cry. I feel the pain of each mistake. It kills me every time I see the consequence that affected the people around me. They are innocent. I’m the one to blame. But still no one blames me. I do things that I cannot pay. But still I do it. How can I be this bad? The color yellow in my eyes gradually turned red. Red of blood, then it turned black. Black of death, I live, I breathe, I am here but I’m dead. I don’t feel anything anymore. I surrender. And to those people who paid for everything. I’m sorry. Now I’m paying. Now I’d rest in my own hands. I’ll live again when the time comes. I’ll be back but it might take a long time to put the simple colors of my life to regain, for everything to be colorful again. I’m tired so are you. I’ll heal myself with the colors left and create new… Wait for my coming back…
Silly Headlines
Right now I'm finishing my 2 news articles. I can't think of a good headline. Uhh... I'm not used to writing news though it is my job because I'm a "FILIPINO" editor which means that everysection in filipino language is in my editing system. ince that's the case I am required to write a news. Atleast It's a new experience.
I'm having problems with my attitude I feel that I'm getting bossy. I don't want the things to get into my head. I want to stay like this forever. I mean I believe that somehow, I'm innocent and just right right now. It's already midnight and we have school tomorrow tell me what to do... Huhu. Instead of resting here I am typing, typing and typing. Getting the monitor into my brains. Hehe. Tired yet worried. I'm scared of Science. I don't know what to do. I should pass! I can do this! Many names will be stained if I fail. First my family, my sisters are known for their huge brains and writing skills. Next, my scribe family. Of coarse as they say Scribers ar role models. Then I fail. I'm no longer a normal writer I have heavier biones behind me. I can't just drop them off. I have a responsibility. And lastly, my own name. Huhu. I can't afford to fail. I Can't fail. Right now, I wanna die! I feel bad when I think of science. Hope that I pass it. If you read this... pray for me... I need tons of prayers. But I have a part while you pray I study. That sounds very dynamic... hehe... Till next time.... If there's still time ahead... hehe...
I'm having problems with my attitude I feel that I'm getting bossy. I don't want the things to get into my head. I want to stay like this forever. I mean I believe that somehow, I'm innocent and just right right now. It's already midnight and we have school tomorrow tell me what to do... Huhu. Instead of resting here I am typing, typing and typing. Getting the monitor into my brains. Hehe. Tired yet worried. I'm scared of Science. I don't know what to do. I should pass! I can do this! Many names will be stained if I fail. First my family, my sisters are known for their huge brains and writing skills. Next, my scribe family. Of coarse as they say Scribers ar role models. Then I fail. I'm no longer a normal writer I have heavier biones behind me. I can't just drop them off. I have a responsibility. And lastly, my own name. Huhu. I can't afford to fail. I Can't fail. Right now, I wanna die! I feel bad when I think of science. Hope that I pass it. If you read this... pray for me... I need tons of prayers. But I have a part while you pray I study. That sounds very dynamic... hehe... Till next time.... If there's still time ahead... hehe...
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Another Week
I think I'm gonna fail biology. I'm scared as usual what new? I'm always near the edges of the cliff. I can't take this any more. 2 more news articles... haaayyy life.. so tired. I'm not feeling well lately. I have practices everyday. I'm always sleepy though I sleep much earlier than before. Haha. Many things just happen to me and now I can't remember it. So Ironic.
I wanna sleep but still I'm typing and now I'm looking for solutions on how to get a disket. I need it exactly tom. What to do? It's a deadline! Curse me!!!! ahhh.... I won't sleep tonight not unless I find new solutions. My ugly article is giving me the creeps. Think that I will be abandoned by scribe. Now I'm feeling that I'm not deserving. I don't deserve the credit and the name it's giving me. There are many good writers that doesn't stand out. Why me? I'm happy yet pressured. I frustrated yet proud... haha.. confusing... I don't know what to feel. Giving me huge responsibilities means they trust me but still huge reposibilities means expectations. Oh well, just have to do my job.... hehe
I wanna sleep but still I'm typing and now I'm looking for solutions on how to get a disket. I need it exactly tom. What to do? It's a deadline! Curse me!!!! ahhh.... I won't sleep tonight not unless I find new solutions. My ugly article is giving me the creeps. Think that I will be abandoned by scribe. Now I'm feeling that I'm not deserving. I don't deserve the credit and the name it's giving me. There are many good writers that doesn't stand out. Why me? I'm happy yet pressured. I frustrated yet proud... haha.. confusing... I don't know what to feel. Giving me huge responsibilities means they trust me but still huge reposibilities means expectations. Oh well, just have to do my job.... hehe
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I Passed!
I passed it!!! Bwahaha!!! I think? I'm still not sure because my report card was hold. Meaning I wasn't able to pay my tuition fee so the office wouldn't release my card. Mom gave us the check but we didn't know that it was post dated on september 30! Ussually when this happens we can solve it. We just talk to the administrative head to release my card. But this time we didn't go. We just left school. Theere were so many parents looking for her and the information girl wasn't anywhere so I have no choice but to wait for monday. Huhu. Well, if your wondering why I know I passed, I am included in the top ten. Actually I'm 9th! hehe. I thought I was failing. Haha. I was so happy that I didn't care about my card anymore. I was about to cry when I started recieving failing remarks on my subjects especially the periodic exams but thank God, I passed and even better! I can't believe it I'm included in the top ten. Gosh! Another grading to come. Huhu.
My problem with the essay thing wasn't so good. Actually I'm feeling worse I think I can't do it. I'm scared. Right now I'm typing it. It's going pretty WELL. Not good only well. But this time I need to forget about my pessimistic side and think of the positive things... I can do this... Aja!
My problem with the essay thing wasn't so good. Actually I'm feeling worse I think I can't do it. I'm scared. Right now I'm typing it. It's going pretty WELL. Not good only well. But this time I need to forget about my pessimistic side and think of the positive things... I can do this... Aja!
Friday, September 01, 2006
A New Stage
I am really pressured right now. First, tom. will be the distribution of cards and surely I am not included in the top ten. I'm also worried about failing. I am not that confident with my grades. Hope I don't see red marks. Huhu. Second, the task given to me. My job as an editor. I wrote an article about shoes and I think they found it unique and they decided to return it to me. I needed to revise it. I was told to make it a 2 page article! Our adviser told us that it ahould be a contest piece. I think I can't do it. I'm not that good of a writer. I'm nervous. Maybe I have to start believing in myself. I was never confident with my skills. I always see bad bones especially in writing. I'm not even good at spelling. And even worse in filipino. But fate is fate. I have no choice but to accept what god has given me.
Yes dear readers I am insane. I really am pressured. They didn't only ask me to write an essay hey also assigned me to write 2 news articles and once again the most neck breaking part... It should be a contest piece. Let's just see what happens. Hope I can make them contented with what I can do. Hope I can do my job as the school campus newspaper's filipino section editor. I also wish for it to win. Of coarse I carry the name of our school somehow. I should prove to them that they didn't made a wrong decision in picking a sophomore student. I can do this. They didn't put me here for just any reason. Maybe this is what god has planned for me. I promise if I can make pass through this stage. I can already say that I am an editor and soon I'll be proud of myself and not doubt with what I have and what I can do. I'll learn to love even the people around me. I won't play games anymore. I promise...
Yes dear readers I am insane. I really am pressured. They didn't only ask me to write an essay hey also assigned me to write 2 news articles and once again the most neck breaking part... It should be a contest piece. Let's just see what happens. Hope I can make them contented with what I can do. Hope I can do my job as the school campus newspaper's filipino section editor. I also wish for it to win. Of coarse I carry the name of our school somehow. I should prove to them that they didn't made a wrong decision in picking a sophomore student. I can do this. They didn't put me here for just any reason. Maybe this is what god has planned for me. I promise if I can make pass through this stage. I can already say that I am an editor and soon I'll be proud of myself and not doubt with what I have and what I can do. I'll learn to love even the people around me. I won't play games anymore. I promise...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)